That day was as horrible as it could be. i tried to stifle the bitter pain which popped up when ‘HE’ gave me a tinge of the hint. I tried to stay calm and smothered my agony with a gentle smile. I deviated my thoughts to all possible ways. I didn’t want to admit that I was suffering. But even then ‘He’ didn’t stop. He kept reminding me that the much awaited day was near. The final result was on the doorstep. I was in a state of panic. The streaks of awaited hurdles and torments kept flashing in my head every now and then.
It got worse and it was then i was taken to the hosptal. The kind of pain which i had never seemed to imagine, the kind of pain which had the world’s worst aggressiveness, the kind of pain which sapped out the entire brawn in me, above all the pain which created the wonderful and the most affectionate bond in the world. The bond between the Mother and her baby.
The saying ‘ Every cloud has a silver lining’ made the most perfect sense to me then.
The nurse placed my baby on my chest and for the first time i knew what Motherhood meant. It just took a moment for the transition, but the worldly feeling filled my heart as if i had been enjoying it for ages. The two cute little eyes stared at me for the first time and i felt it went right into my heart. His tender hand gripped my small finger tight and he sticked to my body spreading the little warmth of bliss all over me.
Yes. My son. After 9months of slogging he is finally here, beside me, snuggling to me, nustling his nose against my arm.
It is the rarest moment, when a mother smiles whole heartedly when she hears her baby cry. Yes i smiled too.
He was bundled up with white cotton clothes and the only thing poking out was his small face. His bloodshot cheeks were so tender that they seemed like they would ooze out blood any time soon. He gasped and the soft puffs that escaped his mouth reached me and aroused goosebumps all over my body.
We got discharged the third day and with that began the days of excruciatingly horrible sleepless nights and hissy tantrums.
Day1: As peaceful as the lull before the storm.
Day2: The beginning of the storm.
Day3 : Here comes the storm left and right.
It was then i realised that pain has got multiple purports. I wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t my Mom who had taken most of the pain.With all her support and solicitude , I pushed forward my sleep deprived and depressed days.
Three months later my baby was stable and we decided to fly to Singapore where his father had been waiting for him.By then he had turned out to be the most adorable and well-behaved boy on this Earth. He started crawling and slowly began to sit and I experienced and enjoyed the ecstacy of Motherhood like any other Mom would have done. I was actually awed by the way he tottered towards me for the first time. He swayed and careened and almost fell on his knees when I reached out to him and suppported him. He beamed at me as though he was enjoying it as much as I was.
Months can’t be flying. But you never realise how fast kids can grow.
It was time to get back to the real world from the fantasy land of ‘just motherhood’. Days of unemployment came to an end and the most trying times of my life began..
Now that he has turned one, six cute little teeth like china plates have turned up. The pain and torture i endure every morning to make it for work , leaving him back is heart breaking. The sight of him peeking sneakily through the closing door or his sad face or his encounters with the maid to stop his Mom from abandoning him is just enough to make a black day. The way he totters and finds his way to the door with a huge grin plastered over his face, takes away all the pain and lethargies after a long day at work. The very sight of him makes me run towards him with a huge rush of love, throwing my handbag to one side and shoes to the other, to swoop him and charge him with kisses. He follows me closely after i reach home, with the fear of me leaving him alone again. I feel sorry for him everyday, but work , it keeps us all going.
So here I am, with the prick of guilt and regret, thrusting ahead each day. But every day ends with a smile on my face, thinking of the lovely family im blessed with and with the content and everlasting bliss of Motherhood!